Soften your spirit, not your morals

TLDR: Is softness necessary? Yes, if you want the result it typically leads to.

Every choice leads somewhere.

I am one of those followers of Yahusha who believe the whole Bible is true.

To give a little context. I am a stay-at-home mom, wife, and black woman in the Bible Belt.

Within the context of my environment, I thought that many of the women around me would encourage me to follow the principles outlined in Titus 2. You know, about loving your husband and child(ren) with self-control lest the word be blasphemed.

As someone who was in primary custody of my mother, I didn’t find a lot of balance in my childhood home. My mother definitely encouraged us to compete in every aspect of life.

I am not a believer in competition. I think that as long as you are genuinely following Yah with all your heart, He will put you in the places you need to be, and all things will be added to you.

I started looking online to see what other women had to say about womanhood, in contrast to what I was seeing. Circa 2013, I stumbled upon black women discussing femininity, softness, elegance, and etiquette. It reminded me of my paternal grandmother, who pushed proper etiquette as if it were a passion. The niche/community was so appealing to me because they were a stark contrast to the angry black woman trope that was gaining traction in the media and television.

Women in the femininity niche were being mocked online by their peers. That did not sway my interest in the niche.

Fast-forward to a couple of years ago, you could only imagine my surprise at actually getting married and having so much backlash. The idea of me getting married young (22) has often caused friction, specifically with the older generation when they hear it*. If you have read Titus 2, the older generation is the one who is supposed to be teaching the younger generation to love their husbands and children. When sitting in a group of women, if I find them wanting to badmouth the men around them, I always excuse myself, redirect the conversation, or find something else to do.

That is when the friction starts…

This is a huge contradiction to what I have observed online.

In person, I see many women talk about how they don’t need a man or that they don’t need anything from men…etc. The more I read my Bible for myself, the more I feel that this line of thinking is in opposition to Yah. Although women online have been seeking out ways to become more feminine, 10 years ago, the original creators were being shamed. I didn’t realize how many women were struggling with their womanhood until I saw the women’s touch deprivation epidemic, passport bros, and the various relationship podcasts.

The Barbie movie, a couple of years ago, brought up the timely question, “What were/are women made for?” I think every woman of every race should contemplate these questions regardless of religious affiliation. One, for themselves. Then two, because of Nora Vincent’s experiment as a man, should make us question if the grass is really greener.

From a Biblical perspective, many of the traits women rebel against are traits that Yah wants all of His followers to possess because they don’t want to seem soft, such as peace, self-control, gentleness, humility, and kindness. These traits are the Fruits of the Spirit and traits that Yahusha possesses.

So if Yah wants us to be “soft”, do we want what He wants for us? Or will we do what the world says and walk the broad path where it leads?

*But if they have not self-control (restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured continually with ungratified desire]. 1 Corinthians 7:9 AMPC (I found someone with the same values as me and who treats me with such kindness and warmth that we were married within the year of meeting.)

Some other notable Bible verses:

Proverbs 31:20-21

Proverbs 31:26-27

Proverbs 31:29-30

Titus 2:3-5